Guilt and Sorrow

Filed Under: Life

I am so tired of writing about Cara and whether or not she sleeps. Granted, that’s about the only thing that I think about these days. So I’m sure that’s why Cara’s sleep patterns are the only thing I can find to write.

Well, last night was the first night that I had any type of guilt surrounding the Ferber Method.

On the two mother’s forums that I’m a member of, Peach and Everything Baby, all I ever read about the CIO (cry it out) approach was how hard it was on the mother. “It’s so hard the first couple of nights but it’s so worth it”.

Sunday night and Monday night I had NO guilt. I was actually wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I was/am totally committed to the “plan” and I knew that I was doing the right thing. She’s sleeping better at night, actually taking naps during the day, and is in a MAJORLY better mood. But, she’s become really clingy after her naps and last night I really started to question whether I was doing the right thing.

Yesterday was probably the most structured day she’s ever had. She woke up a little before 8 am, had breakfast, went down for a nap at a designated time, had lunch, took another nap, had dinner, played with her Dad (in a good mood!) and then it was time for a bath and bed time. Things were going very well with the exception of the clingyness that took about thirty minutes to get over.

I put her to bed around 7:30 pm and she fussed and screamed and ranted until a bit after 8 pm and she went to sleep. For some reason, last night was really hard for me. I commented to Tucker that she never cried this much before we started the plan. His response? “You never gave her a chance to cry”. Point taken, daddy-o.

She slept until 1:30 this morning when I got up and fed her. She started to fuss a bit when I put her back to bed, but, she pretty much went right back to sleep. She woke again at some point in the night, but her wait for last night was 15 minutes and by the time her wait was up, she was back asleep.

So, I plan on speaking with my psychologist today about the Ferber Method. She’s seen Cara at each of my appointments and has observed our dynamic. I know that she will give me some valid advice on our choice to let her put herself to sleep. Even if she doesn’t give actual advice, I know that she can help me look at this with a bit of a more objective eye.

We’re back from my appointment and she’s down for her nap. Our first “wait” for the day is 12 minutes. She wasn’t too pleased. I made me some early lunch while she shrieked and once her 12 minutes were up I went in her room, rewound her mobile and patted her back. The next wait was supposed to be 15 minutes, but as I type, I don’t hear her. Thank GOD! Her crying was really starting to get to me today. I almost gave in and brought her back into the living room. I felt like I was putting her into “time out” even though I KNOW she’s a very tired little girl.

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