Since I’ll be married three years tomorrow, I’ve started thinking about this whole “married” thing and what it means to me.
The whole idea that marriage is work and that no one can be happy with the same person all the time are ideas that Tucker and I hold near and dear. We both feel that if you go into marriage expecting it to be all roses and wine then you’re going to be disappointed; plain and simple.
One of my very best friends is in the process of getting a divorce. She and her husband have been married for five years and they have a two and a half year old daughter. They seemed perfect for each other and isn’t that always the case? I figured Tucker and I would be just a tad bit older before we started having friends getting divorces.
The thing that kills me is that they are not willing to do any sort of counseling. She tells me that they are happy with their decision and that there’s nothing to work out in counseling; it wouldn’t do any good.
I just don’t see how you can give over five years of your life to someone, have their child and then just walk away. I’m afraid for her. Afraid that in six months or maybe six years, she’s going to look back at this and regret the fact that she didn’t do everything within her power to save her marriage. Counseling may not “help” but at least she would know that for sure. She wouldn’t be able to have any doubts.
And you know, it’s really not even the self-doubt that I’m concerned about. Once I really started thinking about it, it’s the fact that they have a little girl. It’s not her fault that they’re getting a divorce, but she’s going to think that it is. No matter what they say to her, she will always have this irrational sense of blame; trust me, I’ve been there.
They owe it to their daughter to try and make things work. I’m not saying, “Stay for the kids”, because I think that’s bullshit. But, I am saying that you owe it to your kids to do everything within your power to try.
Marriage is work. There are going to be days when you’re going to wake up next to your significant other and despise them. But you work through those days. You grow together, you accept each other’s differences and you wake up the next day next to them and better for it.
Like Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young say: Love the one you’re with…