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We were in bed last night talking about how I have never been to a spa.

Perfectly innocent, right?

Somehow that innocent subject quickly devolved into Tucker talking about anal bleaching. You read that correctly. Anal bleaching. [Can you imagine the hits I’m going to have from Google from this one?]

The conversation went something like this:

Me: I’d really like to go just to get my eyebrows and legs waxed…maybe a massage.

Tucker: You know, they bleach stuff too.

Me: Why would I want to get something bleached?

Tucker: You could get your butt bleached.

Me: WHAT?! Why in the hell would I want to get my butt bleached?!!

Tucker: Well, some people do. It’s called anal bleaching.

Me: I know what it’s called! My point is why would I want to do that!

Tucker: You could get your nipple bleached too! OOO! I know! I’m going to make a product called Perox.

Me: What the fuck are you talking about?

Tucker: Women’s areolae get darker when they get pregnant. Imagine all of the women who would want their nipples to look like they did before they got pregnant.

Me: First off, NO! Secondly, Perox?

Tucker: You know. Peroxide and Clorox. But it sounds cooler.

Me: Are you high? Seriously. Why would someone want to bleach their nipples? You’ve lost your mind!

Tucker: Well people bleach their butts.

It was at that point that I rolled over and ignored him went to sleep.