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Boobs on Aisle Seven

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I experienced my first dose of breastfeeding freak-out yesterday.

We packed the kids up and headed to Target to procur a “bouncy seat” and a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte no whip no sprinkles [thank you very much].

I made sure to feed Oliver right before we left and since we only had a couple of things to grab, I wasn’t too concerned about needing to feed him while we were out.

Things were going great until an expedition for new Cara shoes ran a bit long.

My mild mannered newborn quickly started squalling like a smashed cat and I knew that I really needed to feed him.  Pronto!

About that time, Cara decided that she wanted out of the cart RIGHT THEN and joined in on the hollaring and carrying on.

Fun times.

There was no place for me to sit to feed Oliver and I panicked.

I booked it to the furniture section in hopes of finding a couch or chair that was somewhat hidden.  No such luck.

By this time, Tucker and Cara had found me [cause I left them in the dust in my panic] and Oliver was doing this crazy pig squeal thing that he only does when he’s REALLY mad.

I paced back and forth in the isle hoping that the little old ladies who frequent this Target wouldn’t decide to investigate the sound of an obviously pissed infant.  I hiked up my t-shirt, pulled down the flap of my Glamourmom top and whipped out my boob.

Oliver wasn’t having it.

He slung his head from right to left and spasmodically forced his fists into his mouth.  He’s not a champ at breastfeeding anyway and when he gets upset things really go down the shitter.

Cara was squealing because she loves imitating Oliver and people kept walking by and I couldn’t get Oliver to latch on and Cara was calling my name…

I freaked out.  I lost my shit.  I almost started balling.  And then Oliver shut up and latched on and I could breath again.

Tucker, always the calm one, suggested that we go to the changing room.

I made sure that everything was well covered and bundled Ollie up in his blanket and we made the very short trip to the changing room.  Two 20 something chicks gave me really nasty looks and one said to the other, “Did you see her shirt?  You know what she’s doing, right?” and the other just shook her head.

I was mortified.

If we were still in Jacksonville, I wouldn’t have given two shits.

Screw you because I’m not showing off my tits and my kid’s hungry.  I wouldn’t have been rude about it…I just wouldn’t have been worried about what someone might have said or thought.

That’s not the case here.

For some reason, small town Arkansas has made me ashamed of the fact that I breastfeed.

I never, in a million years, thought that I would be shamed into hiding in a dressing room.  I never thought that I would let a couple of stupid bitches cut me to the bone like that.

I 100% agreed with Catherine when she said that, “when women are made to feel ashamed for breastfeeding, they’re being shamed at the most vulnerable times in their lives.

Isn’t that the fucking truth?  You have this tiny little ball of pissed off baby who is doing everything in its power to undermine your best breastfeeding efforts and you have to worry about what other people are going to say or do.

So, I let my self be shamed.

And because of that, I’m rather ashamed of myself.

I’m not sure how I intend to grow a backbone but I gotta find that proud breastfeeding chick who used to live in Jacksonville, FL and breastfed her daughter in the middle of Cheesecake Factory and the Naval Hospital and while driving down the interstate [hi, truckers!].

I know that chick’s around here somewhere…

Comments

  1. That’s a bunch of BS. I can guarantee you that those 20-something airheads don’t have kids and have no idea what it’s like. And, probably think “Why do people breastfeed anymore…they have that stuff in the can you can just give kids to shut them up”. GOOD FOR YOU for realizing that there’s no shame in it, and I know next time you’re out, you’ll have come up with something to tell them. 😉

    WiredMonkeys last blog post..Catching You Up

  2. I tweeted that this is a very powerful post – wanted to write that here, too. Beautifully written, moving and really pissed me off, too!
    You are a great mom, a great writer and a strong woman!

    lauries last blog post..nothing new going on here

  3. Oh, honey. I relieved my moments in Target with MY boy because you wrote the experience so well.

    The sigh of relief when they latch on. The urgency in attempting to take care of your child.

    Gawd, I wish I could have put those bitches in their place. But sadly, I know I would have had the same reaction.

    I’ve been known, though, to sit on the floor of a store and just whip it out. hahahaha.

    Good luck, hun. If you need any support, I am more than willing to give it. You know where to find me.

  4. I have spent many shopping trips at the Chenal Target feeding my daughter in the Dressing Rooms. Looking back, I wish that I had gotten a breastfeeding friendly sling. That would have been much easier.

    The worst though, were the old-lady-mall-walkers at Park Plaza. They always looked super pissed that I would be sitting on a bench nursing my baby.

    Christys last blog post..Slacker Sunday

  5. Yes, because what those twentysomethings are using their breasts for, which at that age is nothing more than to attract men, is SUCH a worthy cause.

    You know I think it’s perfectly acceptable to flick the bird while breastfeeding, don’t you?

    No, no, wait! I have it! You should have squirted the shallow bitches with breast milk! Oh yes! That would have been awesome.

    Be proud of what you are doing. You have every right to be.

    Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Parenting Dilemma # 3,895 When Do You Tell Your Kid to Hit Back?

  6. You’ll find that inner Boob Goddess again! Don’t let small towners get ya down, boobs are boobs where evah you go 😉 and what you are doing with yours is SO much more important then what those 20 somethings are doing with theirs, LOL!

    Next time flip ’em off and hold you head high, cause you are a Goddess and they are mere mortals.

    Spookygirls last blog post..Snagged from Tina

  7. No! You CANNOT be shamed in the stupid little hick town! I WILL NOT have it! I, of all people, got a lecture when we were eating in Panera with Jack and Cara (remember that?). I get a lecture, and they get a shamed look? Kick their ass! I’ve seen you chew up and spit out WAY scarier people than that.

    I know you’re fine, you know you’re fine, Oliver knows you’re fine. Hell most of the free-world (and even more in the world that isn’t free) knows its okay.

    So, whip out that giant ass boob, and stick it in your kid’s mouth. The whole world can blow it out their ass!
    😈

  8. I did the same thing, ashamed to admit it myself. I would scamper off to find somewhere to breastfeed instead of doign it wherever I wanted to, or needed to.

    Tuesdays last blog post..Mothers and Daughters

  9. Had I been there I totally would’ve kicked their asses for you (or, at the very least, I would have broken out some of my filthier remarks).
    Small towns suck. Small minds suck worse. I’m sorry that happened to you.

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