Shredded to Pieces

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The last time I committed to something like this I found out not too long after that I was pregnant with Oliver. Since Tucker is now fixed, that shouldn’ t be an issue this time around.

I have ALWAYS had weight issues; I don’t remember ever not being concerned about my weight. I have a cute face and that’s gotten me by for a while. I can vividly remember walking through Walmart [right after having grabbed a tasty sample of some sort] and seeing a really hot guy. I instantly quit chewing since I just knew that he’d find me way more attractive if he didn’t see me eating. I think I was 10 in that memory.

The last time I said that I was going to do something like this I said that I wanted to do it for Cara. I wanted to be healthy for her and make sure that she didn’t have a fat mom who she was embarrassed of. Well, that’s still true but now it’s gotten bigger than Caroline. Now it’s about ME and she’s just in the wings. I’ve run out of clothes that I can comfortably wear [other than my maternity clothes-LOVE them] and I don’t find myself attractive at all. When Tucker goes to kiss or hug me, I instantly project how I see myself on him and 100% believe that he sees me in the same way. I’m am constantly surprised that he continues to want to have “marital relations” with me.

Something has to change because I’m not happy with the way that I am. Hell, I’ve never been happy with the way that I am.

Motherhood Uncensored is doing a shredheads thing that requires about 20 minutes a day worth of ass killing [hell, BODY killing] workout to Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I have my DVD and I’m ready to do more activity than I’ve seen since…since…hmm…I can’t remember the last time I’ve done any activity. I get up and go to the fridge or I type a lot. Does that count?

One of the suggestions is that you post “before” pictures. I had every intention of stealing borrowing Christina’s idea and posting links to my “before” pictures. Tucker quickly vetoed that idea. He said that if I was going to do this then I needed to actually DO it and post the pictures directly on my blog so that I can go back when I’m feeling down and see exactly what it is that I’m working to overcome. I HATE it when he’s right.

Here are my before pictures. Nothing like full body shots of yourself to realize just how bad you’ve gotten.


Fake smile


I didn't know if I should smile for this one.


Bob, my tattoo. At least I have shiny hair.


I got the BMI graph from this site. Probably the BEST BMI deal that I’ve seen. Much better than just entering in weight and height to get BMI. I have to admit that seeing my measurements in black and white was rather sobering but if you look at it as this is the worst that it can get then there’s nowhere to go but up. Right? Right?!!

Here’s the suggested info from Motherhood Uncensored:

a) Before pictures – Yeah…refer to above.
b) Tag Line – Because back fat ain’t sexay.
c) Weight – 200 lbs
d) Goal – to not be this damn fat in 30 days
e) Diet Plan – Moderation, moderation, moderation. Portion control is my main issue.
f) Personal Rules – Since I drink about 2 pots of coffee a day, I will limit my coffee intake to 1 pot and then drink water until 5 pm [heh].
g) Shred Plan – Every fucking day on the wussiest level possible. I’ve NEVER run a mile and I can’t remember the last time that I did more than walk to my car.

I’m going to start “shredding” tomorrow since I got the DVD today and was too much of a pussy to pop the thing into my PS3 today. The pictures were enough. Right?!

Ugg. I don’t plan on taking any more pictures until I’m done with 30 days of this hell. My plan is to do it while both kids are napping but if one of them is up then I’ll just have to find some sort of alternate arrangement for them. If that means that Cara is in the floor with me then it’s not gonna hurt her.

Gawd! That’s enough public embarrassment for the night. Tomorrow brings pictures of Oliver cruising the couch.