I bitch at Tucker a lot.
I realize this, he realizes this but doesn’t complain about it too often.
He’s not henpecked or anything…mostly he just listens and files it away for future bitch sessions at me.
My all-time favorite thing to bitch at Tucker about it how he’s better at everything than me.
Correction. I’m a better speller and I proof just about everything he emails to his fellow workers but that’s neither here nor there.
A big discussion in our house right now is whether or not to tell Caroline that Santa isn’t real.
Since I have vivid memories of finding out that Santa is a sham [sorry to those who I ruined it for] I was playing for the “Santa’s a fake” team and Tucker was playing for the “don’t tell her the truth” team. I’m sure this should be a post in of itself but I’m too damn lazy and so I’m just lumping it into one big ole post.
So, today pretty much sucked.
Ollie was being an ass [Yeah, I called my kid an ass.] and demanding boob every step through Target while we were picking out presents to get the kids for Christmas since we realized that Christmas is THIS FRIDAY [!!!] and Cara was bitching about wanting a “talking baby” – a doll that makes noises.
Out of left field, Tucker tells me that he thinks we should be buying the kids clothes [that they need] instead of toys [that they don’t need but want]. Mind you, this was proclaimed in the middle of the aisle while I was comparing creepy talking dolls.
So we killed the toy idea and then moved onto the clothes and got the kids some clothes. Cause you know, clothes are exactly what a three year old and a one year old want to get from Santa.
We also decided to head to Old Navy since they’re having mad sales right now and by that point, the kids were bat shit crazy.
Ollie was still asking for boob and Cara had just basically lost her shit and would ask for a “talking baby” every now and then.
Tucker was at his wit’s end and I was too and all I wanted to do was eat dinner and put the kids to bed. Sleep, kids!
But, we got home and the place was a wreck and that pissed Tucker off even more and his shitty mood pissed me off and the cartoons were turned on the kids were quiet and I made dinner and Tucker was pissed off and did I mention that the mood in our house was awesome?
At some point, Tucker mentioned the cartoon watching and how the kids were vegging out and how he hates to see that [I do too] but at that point, all I heard was him judging my ass.
He’s made it very clear that he would love to be a stay-at-home-dad. He’s made it very clear that he would rock at the job and I don’t doubt that for one second.
Last night, I went inside [since I write while sitting outside] and Tucker and I were talking and he told me that all he wants to do is get back to the kids. While he’s at work, all he wants to do is come home and spend time with them. And that I’m home all day with them and all I seem to want to do is get away from them.
I want to build my site so I can do nothing but this. I want to go to blogging conferences so that I can network and grow my “business”. I want to be defined by something other than just “being a mom”.
“It’s like we’re coming at this from two totally different places”.
I know I’m not the best stay at home mom…or is it work at home mom? Whatever.
But when Tucker mentions being a stay at home dad, I feel incredibly judged since I know he would do a better job than me.
I just tweeted that I’m in an incredibly good mood and for no one to screw it up and that’s so fucking weird since while it’s true, I’m so damn down right now. Definitely feel some kind of crazy coming on.
Hopefully, it will be the highly productive yet slightly bitchy mania that gets me through Christmas.
I know, after writing all of this, that I shouldn’t be threatened by Tucker doing a better job than me. I should just step the fuck up and do the job that I should be doing anyway.