Come on. I have a blog named “Taste Like Crazy”. How can I NOT be “lacking in seriousness; characterized by levity” about it?
And, if I wanted to be completely honest, I’d say that “levity” is a coping mechanism and we all have them. Mine is making light of serious situations and hoping for the best. Hoping no one takes me too seriously. Hoping no one digs too deep because they might find the truth.
That truth is mental illness scares the shit out of me.
If you can’t trust your own mind, who/what can you trust?
Imagine, if you will, a reality where your brain tells you something is real and you KNOW your brain is lying.
Your brain says life isn’t worth living. What’s the point anyway? You aren’t worth the space you take up. You are no good…literally.
You’re a burden. You are a waste. What the hell is wrong with you? You will never be good enough. You will never be happy. You are better off dead. Just end it. End it now. Do it. What’s wrong with you? You can’t do anything right can you? You can’t even do this right.
What an amazing failure.
But here’s the thing your brain ISN’T telling you – your miswired brain. You ARE worth it. I know the tale it’s telling you; it’s lying. You don’t believe me. It’s hard to NOT listen to what it’s telling you.
My Constant Reader, your brain is not being straight with you. I am. Listen to ME. Ignore what it is saying. Please?
Just for a minute, ignore what it’s saying. Ignore all of the words it’s whispering into your ear as you’re reading this. Ignore it!
Please? I’m begging you.
I need you to ignore it. I need you to keep fighting. I need you to live.
And since you’ve listened to that secret inside voice for so long…it’s become such a close friend…you want to ignore what I’m saying. You know I’m lying. How in the hell could I care? How could I know what YOU’RE going through?! No one has gone through as much pain as you. NO ONE.
Constant Reader, I know. Believe me with all you have. I know.
It’s at this very moment you have to make a choice. Right now. You either choose to fight and fight like hell or, you choose to lose.
Let’s be blunt.
You give up. You give in. You succumb. You chose to die.
That damn voice, right at this moment, is telling you to do it. Just do IT! DO IT ALREADY!!!
You know what I tell that voice?
If you accomplish nothing else today, you WILL live. Do you hear me? You will fight and you will hate it and it will be hard and you will hate fighting but you will do it because that is the ONLY option.
Do you hear me?
Am I drowning out your secret voice because I’m trying with all I’m made of. I’m trying.
You WILL fight because you have to. Not because of someone else. Not because of some obligation. You will fight because damn it, YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
Did I silence that voice for a second? Did you pick up what I’m putting down? Do you finally understand what I’m trying to get through to you?
The secret, and make sure the voice doesn’t hear this, the secret is that it’s not about all of those other people. The secret is it’s about you and you’re worth fighting for.
Trust me on this.