I have a book – since that’s what it needs to be – that came to me in a dream – I know. I can FEEL you rolling your eyes – and I banged out ten decent chapters over about three days and then decided to change to “voice” of the book from third person to first person. And those ten chapters sat there and mocked me since I knew I would have to rewrite them. They laughed at me and stuff.
Damn laughing chapters.
I can feel my writing mojo seeping back into my fingers and I know that’s just my mood improving and damn if I haven’t missed this mood.
I don’t know if it’s mania knocking at my mental door but it’s there and it’s whispering in my ear and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t welcome it.
The lack of motivation/lack of inspiration Amy is damn boring and when I’m bored with myself, I can only imagine how others feel about me.
At any rate, once my mom leaves tomorrow and Cara’s new bed is delivered, I’m going to start the rewrite on those aforementioned chapters. If I’m going to continue with a kick-ass book, I might as well start it on the right foot.
Books have feet, right?
So my friend Alana mentioned in a comment that I needed to write about a dream she and I had discussed and the mentioned dream fucked me mentally so much I don’t think I could handle writing a book about it – though I can think of about a million different directions to take the dream to make it into a book…but I won’t.
Anyway, the dream.
I somehow – miraculously, since Tucker’s fixed – became pregnant with a baby boy who instantly became about a four month old baby because it is Dream World, after all.
For some reason, I turned the baby over to Child Protective Services and as I was buckling the baby’s car seat straps, I told the CPS woman I had changed my mind and that I didn’t want to give the baby up after all. She told me I had already made my choice and she had to take the baby.
I cried – and remember waking up crying.
After I went back to sleep, the dream picked right back up where it left off – something that NEVER happens to me.
My “mission” was to find my little baby boy and to bring him back home.
I found the adoption agency or orphanage or whatever the hell it was in Dream World and somehow acquired the baby’s medical record that had the child’s agency notes. There were chicken scratched notes about how the baby would fulfill any family’s dreams and if anyone came to the agency and had $10k then the workers were supposed to give the baby boy to that family as fast as they could.
Basically, my kid was a hot commodity.
The rest of the dream was basically me trying to find the baby I didn’t want to give up but had.
The thing that supremely sucked was that I never found the baby and I can still vividly remember the baby’s face.
For that entire day – and still, to some extent – I was haunted by that child. I was in a horrible mood and just couldn’t shake the feeling I had abandoned my baby.
Even writing this brought back all those emotions and this is why I know I could NEVER write a book based on that particular dream,
I had an idea once about a career of books based on my worst fears – which I won’t list here – and I knew those books would be extremely taxing on me emotionally. But this dream…this idea…this theme – the lost child – is too damn close to home. I don’t need to constantly put myself in the emotional environment needed to write a book that this book would require.
I value my mental stability – the tiny bit I cling to – and know a book based on this dream would not be a healthy book for me.
So, you have the gist of the dream and the dream sucked but I wrote it down like Alana asked me to.
And I’ve managed to write over 700 words on a blog post and you, for some reason, have decided to stick with me and I appreciate you.
I know I don’t tell you that enough, but it constantly amazes me that people choose to come back here multiple times to see what I’ve written.
Know that I haven’t forgotten about you, Constant Reader.
I think about you more than I should and I always appreciate you.
Thank you for reading and I’m trying my damnedest to work through this low period and move onto the high periods.
It’s all about what’s on the horizon. It’s all about that next sentence.