Goals: Wish I had Some

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health

When I was young – probably up until 18 – I planned on becoming a veterinarian. Once I hit college, I modified my goal to include medical school since the classes were just about the same and I wanted to keep my options open.

Life did what it normally does and threw me a couple of curve balls and let me tell you, I suck at sports.

No longer was my goal to go to med school. Now my goal was to find an apartment I could afford. My goal was to find a second job.

Along the way I picked up a husband and a couple of kids. My focus dramatically changed – as well it should.

Now, I am fully responsible for two small [and loud] humans during the day and partially responsible for them at night.

I’ve realized with all of this change – this change in focus – I’ve lost all of my goals.

This hit me in the face like a wet sock last night when Tucker came home and asked me what my goals are. I realized I don’t have any. I realized I didn’t think there was much point in making any personal goals until the kids are in school. That means I’m putting personal goals on hold for at least four more years.

I have this website and Sims 3 Gamer. I’ve started writing for Deep South Moms. I sometimes fancy myself as a writer. Sometimes I feel I’m slinging mud – or other dark colored materials – at the wall and hoping something sticks.

I have website goals…mostly for Sims 3 Gamer. I have conferences I want to attend. I’d like to buy a bike and a bike trailer since we have a nice trail near our apartment and I could move while the kids have fun as well.

But LIFE goals like finishing my degree or something else monumental?

I have none.

Somewhere along the way, my goal has become raising my kids. I share my food with them. My time with them. My sleep with them. Basically everything I have is partly theirs. I’ve lost a part of myself in mothering.

Is it this way with every mother?

Is this a necessary occurrence?

And I know some are going to read this and curse me for daring to complain since I stay at home with my kids and they’ll say I have no clue how hard life really is. Parenting is about sacrifice and if I should have known what I was getting myself into.

Oh. Wait. That’s not other people saying that. That’s what I say to myself.

I feel guilty for wanting something in addition to what I have – what I’ve been blessed with.

How in the world do I set goals that will help me feel more fulfilled on completion without shorting my kids the attention they deserve?

Is that even possible?



  1. to the crazy readers:

    i did not ask out of anger. there was no, “what do you do all day? what are your goals?” kind of situation.

    i wanted to know, because i had gotten around to writing mine down, and i wanted to see how they fit in with the overall direction of the family.

    so, don’t start commenting things like, “stupid husband!” or “what are his Goals!” i admit i have had great moments of stupidity, but this was not one of those times.

    on a side note. if anyone is interested in discussing goals i will post mine to get the ball rolling. just ask.

    • Well, flying crap monkeys.

      I didn’t mean to imply that you were being an ass. You were trying to have an important discussion and I had a negative reaction because I realized I didn’t have any goals and it shocked and depressed me.

      I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.

    • it did not hurt my feelings. i just wanted to let your readers know the context in which this discussion happened. body language is lost in the written word, and it helps in setting the tone.

      tucker = super spouse

      tucker ≠ jerk

      Now a practice in the theoretical:

      ∆amy + ∑of her meds = ∛tucker bad mood

    • You’re a HUGE dork – but you already knew that.

      Also, when you wrote “∑of her meds” did you mean “∑on her meds”?

    • for the non-math geeks:

      the change plus the sum of all her meds equal the cube root of tuckers bad mood.

      means that all the meds she is taking will decrease the bad feels tucker is having towards her because of the mood swings that she suffers from.

  2. Tucker – I love the math-geek comment.

    Amy – Every mom goes through the “what could I have been had I not had kids” thought-death-spiral. The key is to realize that had you not had kids, your kids wouldn’t exist, and except on rare days when Chaos is being..well..chaos, that keeps me going. Figuring out what I’m going to do when I grow up is the other half of it, remember there is life after children. 🙂

    Tucker – this had nothing to do with you. You’re a good husband from what I can tell except for your tendency to go off the deep end once in a while. (That’s also ok, we all do it.) 😉

    Amy – Just remember that the surest way to go mad is to start second-guessing your decisions, since there isn’t a damned thing you can do about them anyway. Just keep moving forward.
    .-= ShredderFeeder´s last blog ..My uninformed iPad review =-.


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amy Tucker. Amy Tucker said: Can you have personal/professional goals and still be a good mom? How? http://bit.ly/dfeleE […]

  2. Amy Tucker says:

    Can you have personal/professional goals and still be a good mom? How? http://bit.ly/dfeleE

  3. Amy Tucker says:

    Can someone who knows anything about math read Tucker's last comment and tell me wtf he means? Please? http://bit.ly/axUZ8e

  4. Amy Tucker says:

    I just wrote this: Goals: Wish I had Some – When I was young – probably up until 18 – I planned on beco… http://ow.ly/174KzV

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