When I was young – probably up until 18 – I planned on becoming a veterinarian. Once I hit college, I modified my goal to include medical school since the classes were just about the same and I wanted to keep my options open.
Life did what it normally does and threw me a couple of curve balls and let me tell you, I suck at sports.
No longer was my goal to go to med school. Now my goal was to find an apartment I could afford. My goal was to find a second job.
Along the way I picked up a husband and a couple of kids. My focus dramatically changed – as well it should.
Now, I am fully responsible for two small [and loud] humans during the day and partially responsible for them at night.
I’ve realized with all of this change – this change in focus – I’ve lost all of my goals.
This hit me in the face like a wet sock last night when Tucker came home and asked me what my goals are. I realized I don’t have any. I realized I didn’t think there was much point in making any personal goals until the kids are in school. That means I’m putting personal goals on hold for at least four more years.
I have this website and Sims 3 Gamer. I’ve started writing for Deep South Moms. I sometimes fancy myself as a writer. Sometimes I feel I’m slinging mud – or other dark colored materials – at the wall and hoping something sticks.
I have website goals…mostly for Sims 3 Gamer. I have conferences I want to attend. I’d like to buy a bike and a bike trailer since we have a nice trail near our apartment and I could move while the kids have fun as well.
But LIFE goals like finishing my degree or something else monumental?
I have none.
Somewhere along the way, my goal has become raising my kids. I share my food with them. My time with them. My sleep with them. Basically everything I have is partly theirs. I’ve lost a part of myself in mothering.
Is it this way with every mother?
Is this a necessary occurrence?
And I know some are going to read this and curse me for daring to complain since I stay at home with my kids and they’ll say I have no clue how hard life really is. Parenting is about sacrifice and if I should have known what I was getting myself into.
Oh. Wait. That’s not other people saying that. That’s what I say to myself.
I feel guilty for wanting something in addition to what I have – what I’ve been blessed with.
How in the world do I set goals that will help me feel more fulfilled on completion without shorting my kids the attention they deserve?
Is that even possible?