I’m Harpyesque

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health

I’ve come to accept in the last couple of days that I’m a hollerer.

I start out quiet [Or, as quiet as I can be; I’m pretty loud all the time.] and then escalate to something around the decibel region of a tornado siren.

I don’t mean to go there…to that place.

I would much rather be quiet and do that whole “whisper” thing a lot of child “experts” advise you do but it doesn’t work on my kids. I know what you’re thinking: It does WORK! You’re doing it wrong! But, if I’m anything, I’m thorough in my research and I suspect my children are wired differently or have been permanently scarred by Tucker’s bellowing and my less bellowy and more harpyesque squawks.

My mother is a prolific screecher and I can only assume it was years and years of training by her which blessed me with this amazingly annoying – and potentially damaging – gift.

I had suspected for a while that my level of voice was a tad too much but what really brought it home for me was when I video taped myself doing this yoga DVD. I wasn’t certain my form was correct and if I was going to sweat through 35 minutes of ass burning stuff, I was going to do it correctly the first time.

What I saw – other than my horrible form – was me demanding the kids get off of my yoga mat.

Granted, each time I was about to fall on their heads and no one wants that happening. At the time of the taping – that just sounds odd – I was concentrating on not groaning and on my shaking arms and legs and every time one of them touched me, I would almost fall over; they were breaking my concentration and it was taking all I had to keep going with the infernal video.

Watching the video after I had showered, I saw Ollie raising his leg up like the folks on TV and reaching his arms up to the sky and doing his best to mimic them.

I saw Cara stretching legs out and doing her level best to do the splits. I saw her patting my back while I was doing the “chair pose” and my legs were shaking to the point I thought I was going to collapse. I saw Cara dancing around to the music like only a three year old can do.

Basically, I saw my kids being kids and me being an asshole for being short and loud with them.

Sheesh. Talk about a video slap upside the head.

I’m not going to say I’ll never holler at them or raise my voice or anything like that since saying those word would make me a bald face liar. But I’m going to try like hell to curb it. Whenever my mom gets pissed about something and speaks loudly at anyone – doesn’t even have to be me – my stomach drops to my feet and it’s like I’m five again.

Cara’s almost four. A bit too close to home.



  1. I have the same problem some days. More days than I care to admit, actually.

  2. I’ve always said that the best thing one friend can do for another, is to hold up a mirror so that one can see one’s self as others do. Absent the friend, videotape apparently fills in quite nicely.

    The other thing I’ve always said is “treat each other with love, kindness and understanding.” Not that they always listened, but my sons know what I meant – and mean. And now it’s pretty much exactly what they do.

  3. Almost everyday I end up huging and apologizing to our children. They get me as soon as I come in from work, and something they do sets me off.

    I realize that screaming at children for being excited to see me is way wrong, but there are times where it is necessary.

    Our children do not listen.

    It is a genetic thing. You can yell at a Tucker all you want, but it won’t do any good.

    It wasn’t a problem for me until I joined the military. I usually get in more trouble because I end up laughing at the crazy threats being made instead of cowering in fear.

    Really, picturing (insert authority figure) trying to use my tongue as a bathroom scrubby is kind of funny.

    Anyway, our kids have the same problem.

    Here is an example:
    Cara and Ollie are playing and knock the Glade thing out of the wall I see it, but it is not a problem, and I figure that I will get it later. Then the spider senses start to tingle. I turn around and they are trying to plug it back in…

    My parents had this thing where they would ask me politely to stop, then not so politely, and then they just went crazy. At the time I didn’t get it. Now that I have kids I understand. No one can fault you for beating them at that point. I mean you have warned them repeatedly.

    I now use this same system.

    … I politely tell them to “please, put it down and I will get it.”
    It is sweet that they are trying to help, but they do not know the danger they are in by randomly probing the outlet.

    The heathens ignore me, and I repeat myself just louder. Again I am ignored. At this point I can be heard up and down the street, and heaven help them if they are an arm’s length away.

    That may sound extreme to some, but here is the thing. My job is to KEEP THEM SAFE and teach them how the world works. Some situations require that they listen to me and immediately stop what they are doing. If not, they could get hurt.

    Now, I will say that if I just left it at that, it would boarder on abuse, and I should be locked up.

    However, after the tears subside, I scoop them up and explain that the outlet can hurt them. I go on to tell them that they got yelled at/spanked because I needed them to listen to me and they did not.

    If my yelling or spanking gets their attention and we don’t have to go to the emergency room then it is a win.

    That got long! Sorry.

    In short, I only yell at my children for one of to things. Either to correct a problem (OK) or because I am a being a big fat jerk (Not OK)

    P.S. I, like my wife, am working to eliminate the later from our household.

    • You made it sound like you beat the tar out of our kids – which you don’t do. Just wanted to clear up that part.

  4. I’m a yeller. I know it. Everyone knows it. My doc prescribes anti-yell pills, for me, when it gets overwhelmingly out of control.

    But, sometimes no one hears me.. I mean I’m completely ignored if I don’t raise my voice. So, yeah, I’m with ya..

    Its when I’m yelling at people, in traffic, and they can’t hear me, that I worry the most. Sometimes raising your voice is a good thing. I’m glad you were able to see them exercising and dancing, with you.. its all in the after perspective.

    If they only came with manuals.. 🙂 ~Heidi


  1. Amy Tucker says:

    New Blog Post: I’m Harpyesque http://bit.ly/cgfRgA

  2. Tom says:

    I'm Harpyesque http://bit.ly/cDC0oT <–Yet another epic blog post about real life and having kids. @Tastelikecrazy <- Follow her dammit!

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