Fat Like You

Filed Under: Life

I’ve always been “bigger”.[1]

I had boobs in fifth grade. I had guys checking out way sooner than they should have. I shudder to think about that now that I have a daughter.

I can vividly remember an uncle of mine carrying me up the stairs of his house as I played opossum and him remarking to my aunt, “She’s so damn heavy!” I was seven.

I’ve felt like shit about my weight my entire life. I’ve written about it here a couple of times. I’ve started and stopped exercising a couple of times. I’ve drastically cut my calorie intake. I’ve eaten everything in sight. I’ve berated myself. I’ve refused to look in mirrors. I’ve been in a bad, bad place in my head because of my weight.

And I finally realized this routine of self-flagellation had to stop. And it has. Part of my problem was I was blaming everyone other than myself. I finally admitted I was the only one who could work my ass down to a more manageable size. For a perfect example of what it takes to man up, look to Renee.[2] That woman has the drive of a…insert some sort of fast car here.[3]

I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and said, “Wow. You really are fat.” Then I put on my clothes and went on with my day. Somehow, my brain realized I could change all that and I’ve made piece with how I look because it isn’t permanent.

So when we were sitting at the dinner table and Cara told me she wanted to be, “fat like you,” it didn’t bother me; I was surprised it didn’t hurt my feelings. Hell. She was just pointing out the obvious and what three year old doesn’t want to be just like her mother?

There’s a fine line to walk here.

The concept of “hurt feelings” is hard to explain to Cara right now. She almost gets it but isn’t there quite yet. If it’s true then what’s wrong with saying the truth? Also, why does it hurt people’s feelings when you call them fat?


All we can do right now is keep with the occasionally healthy food and the family outdoor activities and wait for her to develop the brain power to “get” what we’re trying to teach her.

There’s no moral to this story. Things are as they are and we’re in a holding pattern.

At least I don’t hate myself as much as I used to. That’s good.


  1. [1] Except for a few months when Tucker was at Basic and A School. Not sure what happened there.
  2. [2] I called her Ireene at a party once. I blame the open bar and the very generous bartender.
  3. [3] I’m not so great with the motor-vehicle references.


  1. i love it when the girls ask me why the other kids talk about my fat butt.
    because they can?
    i don’t refute it.

  2. It wasn’t until I hit my 30s that I finally accepted myself for what I am, fat. And I had a similar epiphany as well, only I can do anything about it. The questions is, do I really want to? I think at this point, I want to concentrate on being healthy. Because any significant weight loss is just gonna make me look horrid with hanging flesh. (That’s a mental image you really didn’t want. Heh.)

  3. Thanks for this post Amy. As usual, you touched a nerve in me.

    I have a four year old daughter (as you know) and I really, really, REALLY don’t want to pass on my piss-poor body image crap to her. I’m sure I’ve already done some damage; like when I make self-deprecating remarks about my ginormous post-baby stomach appendage flap thingie, or my huge arse, my fat chins, my big boobs, etc. And she’s so sweet b/c she always tells me I’m skinny (which is SO not true, but I really try not to correct her).

    Anyway, I digress. Have you ever read any Geneen Roth? I just read one of her books on my Kindle app called “When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair: 50 Ways to Feel Thin, Gorgeous, and Happy (When You Feel Anything But)” … she is a HUGE advocate for “emotional eaters” and certainly is on the Never Diet EVER bandwagon, which I appreciate. Also, now that I’m 43 and have struggled w/ my weight for well over 25 years, I feel she is 100% spot on. It was a good book and gave me some great tips on how to stop the “fat and uglies” and reminders on how to better take care of myself so that I can feel cherished and loved without turning to food. Something I am also only just starting to learn how to do, but something that is REALLY important for my daughter to see.

    Blah blah blah. Anyway, thanks for the post dude. You’re awesome! You’re doing a great job w/ BOTH your kids. And your doing a great job being YOU.


  4. P.S. You know what’s REALLY awesome? When Dexy’s classmates ask me if I have a baby in my tummy. Even more awesome? When random adults, co-workers, etc. ask me when I’m due. I always answer, “I’m not knocked up. I’m just really fat.” Shuts ’em up right quick and how much do you wanna bet they NEVER ask a woman when she’s due ever again? Let’s hope!

    • Have I ever told you how happy I am to have met you and how much you rock? Cause you do and if I haven’t, I should have and guess I am now. 😀

      I’ll check out that book; it sounds like something I should read.

  5. good??? that’s bloody awesome! 🙂
    you are fab hun… and don’t let anyone (specially yourself) tell you otherwise!!!
    The little details we change as we walk… 😉

  6. Nice post, Amy. Touching and real. I’m trying to get more personal with my blogging. I’m not quite there yet, but I find your post inspiring. Thanks.

  7. Jennifer Walker says:

    Brendan told me this summer that I was “like a whale”……… I too have realized only I have to the power to change but it doesn’t happen over night.


  1. Cheryl says:

    I really loved this! / RT @Tastelikecrazy Fat Like You http://bit.ly/buMfJn

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amy Tucker and Amy Tucker, Cheryl. Cheryl said: I really loved this! / RT @Tastelikecrazy Fat Like You http://bit.ly/buMfJn […]

  3. Amy Tucker says:

    I just wrote this: Fat Like You – I’ve always been “bigger”. I had boobs in fifth grade. I had guy… http://ow.ly/19tpfu

Speak Your Mind