This is a post for Mom and Tucker’s folks. Feel free to read it but you don’t have to. I won’t get mad if you don’t read it. I won’t get my feelings hurt or anything. Really. I won’t.
Me: “Hey, Cara! Come in here and smell Ollie and me! I’m pretty sure he stinks more than I do.
Cara: “You both probably smell like dead possums.”
She didn’t come into the living room and I don’t remember her having any experience with dead possums. However, I suspect she and I would both agree the best possum [Opossum for you weirdos who care.] is a dead possum.
Me: “Ollie! Take off your sister’s panties!”
Cara: “It’s OK, Mom. They’re clean.”
Wah? Really? I guess I should appreciate the concern for her brother?
Me: “Have you said anything funny recently?”
Cara: “No. How about, “How do you know if an elephant is in your cabinet?”
Cara: “If its footprints are in your non-refrigerated carrots!”
I don’t know either. I thought it was going to be that joke about the elephant footprints in the peanut butter or whatever and then she threw in the “non-refrigerated carrots” curveball.
Me: “Man! I could really use a nap right now. Anyone else wanna take a nap with me?”
Ollie: “Not me!”
Cara: “I’m not sleepy. And Daddy said you have to clean.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Cara: “My room? It’s dirty.”
Me: “Yeah. You’re right. It is. Know what that means?”
Me: “That you haven’t cleaned your room and roaches are going to set up a business district under your side table!”
Cara: “Mom! You know roaches don’t have businesses!
Me thinks she missed the point.
Me: “Why are you chewing on Sophie’s tail?
Ollie: “Me hungry!”
Me: “Isn’t Sophie’s tail kind of furry?”
Cara: “That’s why you’re supposed to shave it first, Ollie!”
At least I know who to go after if Sophie’s tail suddenly comes up without fur.
Me: “Ollie, have you said anything funny today?”
Cara: “I’ll say something funny! How do you see a magical popup fish?”
Cara: “Because you got a popup fish!”
Me: “That doesn’t even make sense.”
Cara: “Because it’s a joke.”
Me: “I thought jokes were supposed to make sense.”
Cara: “That joke just…just…just…”[her attention drifted to Wonder Pets]
I’m pretty sure I’m a lucky Wonder Pets pulled her attention off of me and onto the TV. When she gets stuck on something, she won’t let it go. There was a good chance she’d be talking about this popup fish for the rest of the night.