Now I just sit there and let him ramble if he wants. He mentions coming and seeing us but, considering he said that the whole four years we were stationed in Florida, I doubt that’s going to happen.
Then again, he could totally surprise me.
He hasn’t been himself the last few times I’ve talked with him…he drifts off to the point I have to ask if he’s there. He’s just kind of out of it. He sounds sober but just not “with it.” But even with all that weirdness, I don’t feel like I’m being played by him. Haven’t felt that unguarded with him in a very long time. So long, in fact, that I can’t remember ever totally letting my guard down.
And that’s exactly what I did since I mentioned to Cara that Dad was sending her some birthday money.
What you have to understand is that my dad is a compulsive liar and not so great with the follow-through. When I was little, I spent more weekends with my aunts and uncles than I did with my dad since he would say he was coming to get me on his weekend and would end up sending someone else.
You can see why I should have known better than to get Cara’s hopes up.
I honestly thought he was telling the truth and he might be still. He called yesterday to see if the check had shown up–I had just gotten back from checking the mail. The check wasn’t there.
“I mailed it on Saturday! I went to the post office and mailed it myself. The people at this post office are horrible…”
“Well, I’ll let you know if/when it shows up.”
Then he asked to talk to Cara and wish her a happy birthday and I put him on speaker phone. That’s always an awkward moment for me. The kids don’t know my father. I could probably count on one hand the number of times they’ve even seen him and yet he expects them to tell him that they love him. I have good kids who want to know him because he’s my father but even with him on the phone, Cara hides behind my leg and whispers to him.
Once I got off the phone, I explained to Cara that my father lies a lot and that I grew up with him promising me things that he never did. I had to tell her that there’s a good chance that he didn’t mail any money.
That just sucks.
Sucks a lot more than him lying to me. And maybe he’s not lying.
Maybe the check will show up today and we’ll call him and Cara will thank him. But I don’t know what I’ll do if he does what I figure he’s going to do…what he’s probably already done which is lie so he feels good about himself. Tucker has said from the start that if Dad promises one of the kids something and then doesn’t deliver that he’s gone.
Does this count? I should have just kept my mouth shut. Maybe she’ll forget?
She never forgets anything…
It’s pretty pathetic that I’m crossing my fingers hoping the check will show up so I can feel justified for clinging to a tiny piece of hope that he’ll stop being a flaky fuck.
People say, people don’t change, they just have momentary steps outside of their true character.
~ Chad Kultgen