Tucker always says that this is my site and that I can write whatever I want and that if someone doesn’t like what I have to say then they don’t have to read it.
Tucker obviously doesn’t have a blog and therefore doesn’t worry about offending anyone or hurting people’s feelings. Scratch that. Even if Tucker DID have a blog, I doubt he would worry about those things; Tucker tends to just tell it like it is.
Have I mentioned Tucker drives me crazy? I said all of that to say that I sincerely hope I don’t hurt feelings and/or offend anyone with this post but it’s been going around in my head for a bit and I’ve finally reached that point where I’m just going to toss it out onto the intertubes and let it fall where it wants. I can’t remember ever believing in God or a higher power–except for that weekend at church camp.
I’ve always thought people with faith are lucky and blessed…literally, I guess. One thing that’s stayed true through ALL OF THESE LONG YEARS–Feel. So. Old.–is I planned to let my kids chose where they stood on the whole “God thing.” Tucker has faith and always has. His family attends church. My grandpa is practically a Bible scholar who still studies the Bible and dude’s almost as old as Methuselah was–Mom, make sure you tell Grandpa I said that since I know he’ll get a kick out of it.
The kids have folks who can serve as good religious models for them.
Yet I can’t get over my own religious hang ups. I know they’re mine and I’m not planning on putting them on my kids. I have enough other emotional baggage to make them carry without adding a religious hatbox to the pile. The kids went to Children’s Church while I was at Blissdom and both kids had a blast. One of the many voices in the back of my mind was screaming, “Indoctrination!” [I was going to post some sort of funny indoctrination gif but everything I found was hella offensive and that’s coming from a nonbeliever.] MY KIDS GET TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS, CHURCH! I might have mentally warped back to several not-so-awesome Southern Baptist memories.
What have I finally figured out?
By me being so damn scared of my kids being hurt by religion, I was making a decision for them. I was going totally counter to what I want for my kids. I was taking away their choice. I suck.
Tucker keeps saying he’s going to find a church near our house and start attending and I know that’s important to him. Cara seems interested in religion and she asks me questions I’m not comfortable shouldering. Telling her, “This is something you need to talk to your dad about.” just doesn’t work for me.
I get to do the uncomfortable thing and go to church.
My kids deserve to have their mom there. If I’m not there then that might sway them against religion. And then there’s the whole fear of the little old church ladies thinking Tucker’s single and trying to set him up with a good religious girl. For the time being, questions will still be directed to Tucker if it involves something I’m not comfortable answering and I’m not hiding that I don’t believe.
I want to be fair to my kids and their choices but I also have to be fair to myself.
It’s amazing the kind of post that can come from a conversation with a five year old about whether or not Jesus has a uterus.