That happened to me last night.

And here’s the email exchange between Tucker and me…because I can’t really improve upon it.

Me: I had a dream about you last night that you asked if I was still losing weight and you were all nasty with me about it. We were arguing about you buying me some new jeans or something. It was special. And by special I mean I woke up mad at you.

Tucker: Funny, I had a dream about you. I dreamt that you were crazy.  Oh, wait…

Since I am not only the Editor-In-Chief [anyone else always thing that was Editor-AND-Chief] but also the web designer on the site, my job has been more on the web design side and less on the writing side at the moment.

I had certain things I wanted to accomplish:

• Background image ✔
• Style the footer ✔
• Make a staff page ✔
• Add an Amazon “store” page ✔
• Header ✔

Now that I’m typing the list, I realize I accomplished a good deal today if you consider each element took me anywhere from five minutes to an hour. And I guess I should be patting myself on my back since I did get a lot accomplished.

One thing that had me hung – still has me hung – is this little bastard:

He’s hot – he’s got a torch…get it? – and stuff but I hate him right now.

He’s supposed to be hanging out at the bottom of Sims3Gamer.com, peaking around at you and I can’t get him to behave. I’ve worked on his bastard ass all day and if you happen to be a major code monkey who can explain how to implement custom divs in Thesis then I want to talk to you.

You can reach me on the “Contact” page.

What’s funny is I distinctly remember thinking this morning that I would have nothing to write about on this site. Hell, I even considered closing it.

I know, right?!

Then I discovered this list of Sims 3 related websites/blogs and if there was one, there were 100. I’m not joking.

And I was hit with this heavy, heavy wave of hopelessness.

Why even keep on with Sims 3 Gamer? There were already so many sites out there. And granted, I had 50k viewers on Sims Gamer before I got canned but I just kept thinking about how long it would take me to build those readers back up and they don’t know I’ve been canned and anyone who is given the blog will pick right up where I did and what’s the point?

I emailed Tucker – because that’s what I do when I’m feeling like shit.

This was my email:

I feel very, very hopeless right now. I saw a site that does just custom content – the chick goes and finds downloads and then puts them up on her site…kind of like what I did on Sims Gamer.

Anyway, she has links for all of these Sims 3 sites and there are TONS of them.

Kind of don’t see the point in trying.

His response:

There are a lot of clothing stores. Why? It is not just the subject, if you present it in a way that people enjoy then they will keep coming back.

Damn short response but Tucker has a knack for getting down to the brass tacks of things. I would have taken about 200 words to express that.

He’s right and I know part of this is just how I’m feeling right now. Must push through. Must keep going.

It’s the keep going and pushing through part that blows.

Push Image/Flickr Torch Dude/Ea

Today on Taste Like Crazy, you shall read about Tucker finally coming home, Sims3Gamer.com, Digital Girlfriends and on why being your own boss is awesome and it royally sucks.

#1 Tucker’s Home

If you didn’t know, Tucker had Drill this weekend and that meant I was by myself with these things people call my kids for the weekend.

Normally it’s not that bad and I know I shouldn’t bitch about taking care of them by myself for one stinkin’ weekend when there are single mothers out there and people whose husbands or wives are deployed and blah, blah, blah. But my reality is that Tucker is home every night and he helps break up fights and helps put the kids to bed and is there to lend a [not very interested] ear when I just need to bitch for thirty minutes about what Ollie did to Cara and vice versa.

This weekend obviously wasn’t a “normal” weekend since Tucker wasn’t here and then Ollie decided to lob a ceramic mug at Cara’s face which ended with Cara having a black eye. Cara bit Ollie a couple of times over the course of the weekend and the dog hid in the bedroom.

Damn Sophie does nothing but mope when Tucker’s gone. She was supposed to be my dog but ever since she was a puppy, she’s preferred him…which is why I need another cat. Though the cat will probably like Tucker better too. Fuck.

Back on track…Tucker’s home and everyone was ecstatic about that very cool fact. The kids were fighting over who would get held first and the dog was jumping around like a loon – crazy person not the bird.

On a very positive note, we had thought Tucker would have to go out on boat for two weeks at the end of April but as it turns out, the Navy has frozen the funds for his [about to be dissolved] unit and they’re not paying for anyone to go anywhere. Which means Tucker isn’t leaving for two weeks.

Which means I’ll have someone to help me break up fights and put kids to bed…and I won’t have to watch the damn dog mope around.

#2 Sims 3 Gamer

The site thinks it’s live. And what I mean by that is I can connect to the site via FTP [file transfer protocol] and I can load stuff to the server but when I enter in the web address, nothing comes up. I got one stinkin’ post up and then the site said, “No, no. That’s enough for now, thanks.” and it quit working for me.

Since Laughing Squid [who I host through] doesn’t do weekend support, I have to wait until tomorrow 8am PST to get a tech to take a look and see what I broke and then fix it for me.

Because I have no doubt the issue was/is caused by me.

#3 Digital Girlfriends

If you didn’t know, I occasionally do website design/install and this week [and some of last week] I worked on Duong Sheahan’s new site: Digital Girlfriends.

I did the header/logo, set the thing up and cool things will be coming from the site, I’m sure.

That really cool image slider thing at the top, right below the header? Yeah. It can kiss my ass.

I set the exact same thing up on one of Duong’s other sites TheNewMediaMarket.com and had absolutely no issues.

I brought the thing over to Digital Girlfriends and the damn thing went all wonky on me and instead of sliding like a good slider should, the stupid thing expanded down into the body of the site. I fought with that stupid ass plugin for three days straight; I kid you not.

FINALLY, today, I wiped everything off of Digital Girlfriends and started selectively adding code and plugins back to the site and it worked.

I did a happy dance. Really. I got up and danced around and the kids gave me weird looks and everything.

I don’t ever want to look at that stupid slider again…except I’m going to use it on Sims 3 Gamer…but it’s working so I like it for right now.

#4 Being Your Own Boss is Awesome and Royally Sucks

Obviously I’m talking about owning websites and writing for a living but I’m sure this can apply to just about any instance where you are self employed.

Just about everyone says they want to be their own boss because how cool is that, right? You set your own hours, no one tells you what to do and hell, if you want to take a day off, take that day!

But here’s the nasty little secret. If you’re your own boss, you are working for yourself and if you slack, who do you think suffers? Yeah. You.

If you work for someone else and you are having an “off” day, you’ll still get paid. If you work for yourself and you don’t work that day, you ain’t getting shit. The emails keep coming, the work piles up and you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.

And the “no boss” thing? You still have a boss…and usually more than one.

Each project you take on has an owner and they’re your temporary boss. Also, you now become your boss and if you plan on being successful at what you’re doing, you are a bitch of a boss who makes you work 12+ hour days – way past when you would have called it a day if you had been working for someone else.

On the flip side, most days I work in the clothes I slept in. I take conference calls when Oliver’s taking a nap and Cara’s playing. I’m able to stay home with my kids and they don’t have to go to daycare. All very cool things.

In the end, it comes down to how much do you want to rock? How much do you really want to be successful because you are your own worst enemy and your biggest advocate.

I guess that last part pretty much applies across the board, doesn’t it?

Image/Flickr

*snort*

So, yeah. I got canned from b5Media today.

Note: this will be a three part post. #1 is about me getting fired #2 is about how I’ve lost 15 lbs with no exercise #3a is about Ollie’s haircut and #3b is about being a single mom for the weekend.

Sheesh! I’ve set the bar rather high today with regards to topics to cover.

#1 I Got Fired but It’s a Good Thing.

I don’t know if you can really say I’ve been “fired” since I was never really an “employee” of b5Media – I was a contractor. They could end the contract when they wanted and I could do the same. It’s not like I went into an office [other than my couch] everyday.

But, the money was nice to have and I paid some bills with it and bought the occasional girly thing with the money and it was just nice to have. Because, really, when is it not nice to have some extra money?

It was time for me to move on. I was ready but I was holding on like a scared little kid because I was used to b5 and I was comfortable with them. Did I like making less than I thought I was worth? No, but it was more than I would be making if I wasn’t working for them. At least, that was my thinking at the time.

Right after Valentine’s Day, 50 bloggers were let go by b5media with no notice and I could see the writing on the ole go-to wall and I bought Sims3Gamer.com. It’s not up yet [that's what I plan on doing this weekend] but I needed a new security blanket…something I could look to and see a future in. Expect much pimpage of that site here.

Tucker is freaking out about the money aspect of the whole firing thing and I’m just happy to be writing for myself again. It will all come out in the wash – at least that’s what I think.

#2 How I Lost 15 Pounds with No Exercise

I mentioned on Twitter that I had lost 15 pounds without exercising and I got a fair amount of tweets regarding that. So, to briefly answer everyones’ questions, I haven’t been starving myself. We’ve been eating from the Healthy Calendar Diabetic Cooking cookbook [affiliate link] and tracking my caloric intake on DailyPlate.com.

Basically, I’ve been taking responsibility for what I eat and I now eat 1,583 calories a day. But here’s the thing – I don’t feel deprived.

This is a diet [small d] not Diet [big d] where with the Big D Diet you have the expectation of restricting what you eat and hating life to lose ten pounds and then you go back to how you ate before. This is a lifestyle change for me.

This is what I ate on March 2nd:

Breakfast -

• 2 scrambled eggs
• 5 cups of coffee

Lunch -

• Bagel sandwich - 1 bagel Cinnamon Raisin Swirl bagel, 1 slice Singles American Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product, 1/2 serving Light Mayonnaise, 5 slices Deli Fresh Meats Smoked Ham, 2 leaves Romaine Lettuce
• Campbell’s Select Harvest Chicken Tuscany soup – 1 cup

Dinner -

• Baked Tilapia
• Potato medley of my creation

Late-night “snack” -

• Vodka and orange juice

That day I ate 1397 calories and wasn’t hungry except when I ate and I hate a lot. That bagel sandwich was massive.

For me, it’s been realizing that I can’t eat McDonald’s every day and expect to lose weight. But I will tell you, during this period when I’ve lost this weight, we have eaten McDonald’s and you know what? It just didn’t feel worth it. I calculated the caloric value of the meal and realized I could have eaten a TON more healthy food than that burger and fries.

Good ole counting calories is how I’ve managed to lose weight. When I get some more weight off, I’ll add in some fitness stuff, but for right now, I’m cool with how things are going.

#3a Ollie Got a Haircut

#3b I’m a Single Mom

It’s that time of the month again when Tucker heads to Millington and I’m stuck taking care of Cara and Ollie by myself for the weekend. Granted Sophie is here to help but she’s a pit bull…all she helps with is eating food off of the floor. And that ends my post.

How’s that for abrupt?

Image/Flickr

Actually, she’s a LPC [Licensed Professional Counselor] but “shrink” easier to say so I’m gonna stick with that.

The office [though it kind of resembled a really nice prison] was freakin’ huge and the staff was pleasant. A very nice change from some of the shrinks’ offices I’ve been to.

I met with the shrink and she did a basic “tell me about your crazy self” interview. We got more accomplished in that hour than I got accomplished in two visits with the Dr. Freud lookalike I went to last month. Also, this lady actually seemed to like me where Dr. Psuedo Freud acted like he was just tolerating me.

I’m not saying I want to be best friends with my shrink but I do expect to not feel like I’m bothering the person with my blatherings.

At any rate, we made a plan of what we’re going to work on, I got set up with a Psychiatrist appointment to talk about starting meds and I have another appointment scheduled with her in a month since that was the earliest Friday appointment she had.

All in all, I left feeling like the whole thing wasn’t a waste of time and that future visits will be equally productive.

Yay for good mental health professionals.

Other than that, I’ve farted around the house, done some dishes and worked so I don’t get behind.

What have you done today?

Image/Flickr

We spent the weekend in Arkansas and while it was great, I’m pretty sure we all missed our routine. Tucker and I were both dreading last night since we had convinced ourselves that last night was going to suck much ass with regards to sleep. Meaning we would be getting no sleep since Oliver had gotten used to sleeping with us and Cara had gotten used to sleeping with Tucker’s parents.

And guess what? You ready?

They both went right to sleep. Cara slept until 8am and Oliver slept until 5am. Things were maybe even better than they were before we left.

We left Thursday night and had the DVD players going. I was playing Sims 3 on my laptop – I’m starting a new website [http://Sims3Gamer.com]. Stay tuned for details. – and Tucker was ignoring us all.

About an hour into the trip, Oliver threw up. Just a little. We changed him. We drove on.

And then Oliver puked…a lot. Like hit the back of Tucker’s seat. It was like epic puke. I know you’re very excited I keep talking about the puke. I’ll stop now. You’re welcome.

Since Oliver didn’t puke on the way home, we’ve decided he was just still sick with the nastiness I had and was not experiencing motion sickness from the DVD players. We breathed a sigh of relief.

One thing I realized this weekend [and I think I've known it for a while] is that Oliver doesn’t nurse when he has stuff going on…when people are entertaining him.

He comes up every now and then and asks to nurse but for the most part, it’s only when he’s bored. At this age, Cara was doing the exact same thing and also around this age, I weaned Cara. It was time and I was pregnant and I wanted my body back as much as I could get it back with being pregnant since I knew I would have a new baby in a very short time who would be nursing all the time.

I thought it would make me sad to think about weaning Oliver. I figured that the reason I wasn’t sad with Cara was because I knew I’d have another to nurse. But now, I realize I’m not sad at all.

This is just the next step in a lot of steps and Ollie’s pretty good at taking things in stride.

And something I just thought of while I was making dinner.

On our way home last night, we stopping in Corinth, MS to grab something to eat. We chose McDonald’s since it was right on the road and might I say that was the NICEST McDonald’s I’ve seen in my entire life. There’s something I never thought I’d ever say.

I sat with the kids while Tucker got the drinks and when he brought us our various syrupy sweet beverages, he left again saying he would be back in a minute.

A couple of minutes went by and I couldn’t see where he was so I assumed he had gone to pee. Then, I saw him opening the door for this middle aged guy and talk to him like Tucker knew the guy. I thought it was random Tucker would run into someone he knew in Corinth of all places but it is the South and I’m pretty sure we invented “networking”.

When Tucker came back to the table, I asked him who the guy was half interested and half trying to keep Oliver from taking a header out of his booster seat.

And then Tucker told me something that made me very proud of him. He didn’t know that guy from Adam [my wording, not his] but the guy had asked Tucker if Tucker would buy the guy something to eat. And he did. Two double quarter pounders and a Coke.

Good for you, husband. You’re pretty cool in my book.

Images/Amy Tucker

Part one is about me losing weight. Part two is about my dad.

Weight Loss

Weekend before last, I decided I was going to lose weight. Again. And to be clear, the “again” isn’t supposed to mean I decided to lose some more weight or to lose weight another time. I decided to try to lose weight again.

I found a journal from an eleven year old me which started on January 1st of that year with one of my resolutions being to “lose 10 pounds”. First off, how fucking sad is that?! Eleven year old me put that at the top of the list followed by “be kinder”, “respect Mom and [step-father]“, “do my chores”.

I found the other resolutions endearing but that “lose 10 pounds” one really stuck in my craw since I now have a daughter of my own and it hurts my heart to think her first thought at eleven might  be the weight she needs to lose.

But I found that journal a couple of months ago so it wasn’t what spurred on this change. I don’t know what did it. Maybe I’m just tired of being fat? Yeah, that’s a big part of it. I’m tired of being embarrassed to have sex with Tucker and if I should be most comfortable with anyone, it should be him.

SO, weekend before last, Tucker, the kids and I all headed to Barnes and Noble and I looked through all of the “Diet” section [talk about depressing] and finally decided I was going to look at the cookbooks. I found Healthy Calendar Diabetic Cooking: A Full Year of Simple, Menus and Easy Recipes [affiliate link] and decided I could do worse.

We made a two week shopping list [which is included in the book] and got exactly what the book said we needed. I also started logging my food on DailyPlate.com and this is going to sound really weird, but I think that’s fun. Daily Plate calculated I needed around 1700 calories/day and I’ve consistently been either at or below that mark.

And you know what? I’ve lost weight.

I started at 227.8 lbs on February 16th and I’m currently at 218.8 lbs. Nine pounds down. Just by keeping track of what I eat and being more aware of how many calories things have. Also, did you know sex counts as exercise? I’m just saying.

Now that I’ve written that, I realize I’m almost love TEN POUNDS. Holy crap! I’m used to seeing the scale go the other way. So. Yeah. That’s cool.

Dad

For pretty much my entire life, my dad has lied to me. I’ve come to believe he’s a compulsive/pathological liar and can’t help himself. I’m in NO WAY excusing his behavior because he’s a damn adult and should have learned better or gotten help by now but I have this annoying habit of trying to explain others’ behaviors. I’m pretty sure it’s a coping mechanism.

At any rate, we’re planning on going to Arkansas this weekend to see our extended families and I didn’t bother to call Dad since I knew he would make an excuse as to why he couldn’t drive the two hours to see us. Imagine my surprise when he called me and asked when we were coming to Arkansas next.

Before I could loosely explain our very loose schedule, he informed me he was working on Sunday. No skin off my nose, dude.

I didn’t think anything of it because I was slightly relieved and went on with my day.

Then, I talked with my ex-step-mom via email and she flat-out told me Dad had lied to me and that he’s not working on Sunday and that he asked to see their kids on Sunday.

Now here’s the thing. I could give two shits what my dad is doing. Cara seems to waffle between being scared of the man and indifference and Oliver doesn’t care one way or the other. Dad and I seem to only have politics and horses to talk about and he interjects bits of “fatherly wisdom” when he feels like it’s appropriate. The whole thing feels staged and completely contrived and I’d rather just skip it altogether.

What gets my panties in a bunch is the fact that he automatically lied to me, with absolutely no fucking good reason, and apparently doesn’t care.

Because, really? Does he honestly [a word he probably doesn't know the meaning of] think I would have a problem with him spending time with my step-brother and two half siblings?

He screwed up with me but that doesn’t mean he can’t do a better job with his new kids. The man just can’t seem to get that through his thick skull.

Final Thoughts

I think days like these are typical for most people: up moments and down moments.

While I’m excited about my weight-loss thus far, I have a hell of a long way to go – ideally I’ll get down to between 120 and 130 pounds. Since we’re not doing some kind of crazy “lose weight fast” thing and are trying to change the way we eat, I’m hoping the weight keeps coming off and once I’ve lost a bit more and our schedules get less hectic, I’ll add exercise to the equation.

And I know my dad’s a lost cause but sometimes it just feels good to vent. You know?

Image/Flickr

But, it’s also one of those posts I have to write since I need to get it off my chest.

Also, Oliver slept almost all the way through the night last night – like from 7:30pm till 4:30am and then he went back to sleep till 6am. Rockin!

OK.

Let’s play the game of hypotheticals.

Everything I say from this point forward takes place in a hypothetical world and let’s call the chick Bamy, shall we?

Bamy has written for a place for several years and feels a bit of loyalty to the place. Maybe a lot of loyalty since she’s been with them for so long. Sometimes Bamy thinks the loyalty might be misplaced.

Bamy’s been with the company through at least three major restructurings and luckily, she wasn’t canned restructured .

One thing that always made Bamy feel good about working with the company was it had a good reputation and was about as transparent as a company can be. There was a sense of a relationship there. Does that make sense? Bamy felt 100% comfortable randomly chatting with the bigwigs as she did with the “underlings”.

Now, more changes have happened and while Bamy has been brought along on the proverbial journey, she has this niggling feeling that either the train is about to crash or she’s about to get booted from said metaphorical train.

Bamy’s all about riding a train [let's just keep this hypothetical metaphor going] till it crashes since that train helps pay some of Bamy’s family’s bills but Bamy also knows she won’t be working for this company for the rest of her life and she want to maintain at least some of the meager reputation she’s built.

So Bamy is now at the railroad crossing of life. That makes no sense. I’m done with the train metaphor.

Bamy doesn’t know if she should jump off the sinking ship [Damn. Another metaphor.] before it crashes and burns [Shut up. Ships can crash.] or if she should ride this train till the track ends. Didn’t I say I was done with that metaphor. Oops.

What would you do? Would you keep doing what you’re doing and hope for the best or would you run like a scalded dog?

Leave your thoughtful and hypothetical comments below. ▼

Image/Flickr

Yesterday went just like any normal day. Breakfast, lunch, nap [Ollie. Not me.], Tucker home from work and then dinner.

After that, I worked for a little bit while Tucker bathed the kids. At some point, I lay down on the couch and the entire room started spinning. I guess the ear infection that had been threatening to become a doozy had finally put its big boy pants on.

Tucker brushed teeth and the last thing I remember for a while is Tucker, Ollie and Cara sitting in the floor in front of me as Tucker read a “princess” story to Cara and Ollie. Yeah, I was asleep before 8pm. I’m awesome.

Damn ear infection can take its big boy pants and get the hell gone already.

I don’t know if Ollie took pity on his sick mother or if it was a fluke, but Oliver slept until 4am this morning. Tucker changed Ollie’s diaper, Oliver went back to sleep and then was back up at 5am which is when I just went ahead and got up for the day.

Ollie slept for eight hours-probably for the first time ever-and I suppose I have to begrudgingly admit I DID get more done between 5 and 7am then I normally get done between 8am and 1pm. I got what I was hoping for, right?

And how crappy of me is it that now I want him to sleep till 7am? Fine. Fine! I’ll try to be happy with what I have. I just don’t know how happy I am with the idea of ME going to bed at 8pm.

Image/Flickr

Again.

Cause that’s the main thing coloring just about everything I think about these days.

To be fair to Tucker, instead of going for a run this morning, Tucker went in and a screaming Ollie out of the crib and took a cat nap on the couch – where [of course] Ollie fell fast asleep.

I’ve been playing a rousing game of “Let’s eliminate the reasons why Oliver keeps waking the hell up”.

For a while there, we were all sick and Ollie was getting Benadryl and Motrin right before bed and that made him a bit sleepy and we wondered if maybe he was waking up because the Motrin had worn off and he was all like “My head hurts”.

That theory doesn’t hold much water though since he would go back to sleep if we brought him into our room.

Next idea was that maybe the assholes upstairs were waking him up.

A couple of times when I would go into his room at 2am, I would hear an elephant tap dancing on Ollie’s ceiling and it would have pissed me off too if I had be awakened by the racket.

That theory was squashed when Tucker pointed out the fact that Cara makes all kinds of noise before she goes to sleep and it doesn’t keep Oliver up.

So now, I thought we were out of theories until Tucker pointed out that Oliver’s room is about 10 degrees colder than the rest of the apartment and since Oliver refuses to keep covers on him and he pulls his socks off, it would stand to reason the kid’s getting cold in the middle of the night.

The plan of attack tonight is to bump the heat up a bit and see if that keeps his butt asleep [because butts need lots of sleep]. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s not going to work since by now, this whole waking up crap has become a habit.

I’m currently reading sections of Dr. Ferber’s book that I never had to read with Cara – the parts dealing with nighttime wakings.

Though Cara was [and kind of still is] an epic sleep fighter, once she was asleep, she was out until about 7am. Her brother is the exact opposite.

We’re in uncharted territory with Oliver and I think it’s funny [and annoying] how different two kids from the same family, who are raised in the same environment, can be so completely different.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to write about how much sleep we all got and about how Oliver slept through the entire night – for the first time in his life.

*crosses fingers*

Image/Flickr