Lawyer Readers? Free Hypothetical Wreck Advice? Not About Me. Nope.

Filed Under: Gifs, Life

Who feels like giving–free–legal advice for a hypothetical situation.

Hypothetical because this SO didn’t happen to me today. At. All.

Dr. Who Ten Nope

MY FRIEND–totally not me–stopped by the gas station outside of Walmart to grab a drink. She parked in front of the kiosk thing and left her kids in the car while she ran a short distance away.

The credit card machine jobber wasn’t working but it took the attendant dude ten minutes to decide the magic wasn’t going to happen. MY FRIEND went back to her SUV and managed to find cash. Back to standing in line and waiting.

The FRIEND was next in line when she heard a wreck over where her SUV was parked. Of course, HER stomach was in her throat since she was worried her kids had just ended up in a wreck.


Kids were safe but some white SUV had either slammed into the trailer hitch of a big, white F250 –possibly F350–or the truck had backed into her. The moral of the story is the side panel of the woman’s SUV was screwed and she saw the FRIEND checking out the wreck.

This cool ass redneck woman in front of me–Fine. It was me. Even I was getting tired of the “friend” routine.–asked if my car had been hit. I pointed to my SUV and told her no and that my kids were in there so we all got lucky. She just smiled at me and her smile fell as the woman, who had been driving the white SUV, came stomping over to us.

“You know this is all your fault, right?! Why would you park there? That’s not a parking spot! Because of YOU, my car is wrecked!”

My stomach was doing all kinds of crazy stuff and my hands were kind of shaking and so was my voice and my scalp was all tingly.

“It wasn’t my fault you were in a wreck, ma’am. There are no signs there stating I can’t park there. There isn’t any red paint on the curb. People park there all the time.”

As I said that last part, I couldn’t help but think about the whole, “If everyone else was jumping off the bridge…” thing.

She started back on her little rant and told me the exact thing again, because I obviously hadn’t heard her the first time, and I just rehashed what I had said.

She said something else and the cool redneck lady cut her off, “Look, lady. She didn’t cause your wreck. You did. This parking lot is always crowded and you weren’t paying attention.”

White SUV “lady” tossed up her hands and stalked off. Redneck lady whispered in my ear, “If she comes asking for your information, you don’t tell her nothing. You just drive off.”

I paid cash for my stuff [the cashier informed me the machine had just started working and asked for my card which was back in my SUV and there was no way I was walking near that woman before I had to] and hightailed it to the truck all while making sure I didn’t look at the White SUV “lady.”

The woman was on her cell when I passed her and I was sure she was on the phone with the cops giving them my plate number or something. I tried calling Tucker but he was in class so didn’t answer so I called Heather. I told her this whole story and she assured me I was A-OK and the wreck wasn’t my fault.

I left Tucker a couple of voicemails letting him know what happened. I ended the last one with, “I’m pretty sure the cops might be looking for me cause that woman probably gave them my license plate number. We should probably talk about this.”

His response?

     “You’re not at fault and she can suck a _ _ _ k.” <–You can figure out that last part.

Highest of fives

So I’m not so worried about the police surrounding the house but what if that woman sees me at Walmart?! Or like Target or something and comes after me? You didn’t see her! She was all vein-in-neck-throbby-crazy person.

Other than that, I’m good, right?


Lawyer readers?


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