The 2013 Garden Update: Not As Lame As You’re Expecting

Last year’s garden was all that awesome.

The soil an idiot at Lowe’s recommended to me was essentially softwood and “wood products” mulch which caused weird deficiencies in the plants and when paired with me planting all of my seedlings too early…well…

Eventually the garden got its act together and the plants started to rally; that took the entire summer. I learned a lot from that disaster:

1. Don’t plant too early. The Old Farmers’ Almanac has a fantabulous guide for when to start your seeds–inside and outside–and also when to transplant all those seedlings you lovingly started indoors. The weather was a bit of an ass this year since it decided to give us a very late, hard freeze the day after I transplanted everything. Stupid weather. 
2. Make sure your soil doesn’t suck. This year, me two bags of Jungle Growth soil for Mother’s Day–one for each raised bed. After Tucker cleaned everything out all of the beds and mixed in all of the awesome new soil and judging how junglelicious the two beds are right now, I am willing to hump Jungle Growth. [Which makes me think of the movie Jungle Fever but that’s a WHOLE different thing.]
3. Slugs are assholes as are just about bug that makes its way into your yard. They are going to eat your garden. Punks don’t care how much pesticide you put out; they will adapt and overcome.
4. One really doesn’t need six cherry tomato plants. Really. Especially when you’re the only who who will eat them.



5. I wanted to be all kum ba yah with nature and stuff and use only organic and natural methods for pest and weed control. I bought enough neem oil to fill something that holds a lot of neem oil. I picked off bugs. I tried demetrius earth for the slugs. I adhered to the companion planting edict. What happened?


The cat is supposed to be the bugs. Just so you know.

6. When your daughter gets a pumpkin at a fall field trip and the thing eventually starts to rot, don’t let your well-meaning husband toss the thing into one of the fallow beds. Come spring, said bed will resemble this mess:



7. Even when you think your garden was complete and utter failure, some of your plants from the previous year will persevere, manage to have little plant babies and those dudes will surprise you the following spring.

Let there be garden pictures!