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This is Mostly About Episode One of Season Four of True Blood

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Wanna know what sucks about having a friend who blogs? Actually, there’s a bunch of stuff but the one that sticks out today is the seemingly innocent question, “So you plan on writing stuff today?”

To the uninitiated, this sounds like a friend who wants you to work on your craft and expand your writing wings so you can soar the skies of fiction and dive between the peaks of plot and dialogue.

What they’re really saying is, “Your site is boring me because you haven’t updated it in a very long time. I’m pretty sure Nixon was president the last time you updated your site. Please stop boring me. Please write something to entertain me.”

Which is why I’m updating this even though I didn’t want to. You’re welcome, lady whose name rhymes with “mether.”

Three things:

  1. My new baby feeds buttons.
  2. True Blood.
  3. My anniversary.

#1 My new baby feeds buttons.

If ¬†you’ll be so kind as to look above this post but below the “navigation”–the part where “home” lives–you’ll see a series of seven buttons. Run your mouse over the buttons and they should change colors. If they don’t change colors, I don’t want to hear about it. Basically, I don’t want to hear anything other than how cool they are. I have worked way too long and way too hard on them to care if they work or not.

#2 True Blood

[To assist you on your quest toward understanding, I shall use animated gifs to enhance my explanation. Spoilers are possible. ]

What. The. Hell?

If you’ve read the books and have seen the first episode of Season Four then you’re fully aware of which I am speaking. I gave True Blood a pass on Season Two. Don’t know what I’m talking about?

Here’s a clue:

True Blood Worship Him, Bitches!

Now that I think about it, if you haven’t seen Season Two of True Blood then you have no freakin’ idea what that gif is a referencing. But it’s still funny.

Season Two had nothing to do with the Sookie Stackhouse books other than the characters…that made a lot more sense in my head. And Season Four looks like it’s going to be another Season Two.

OK. That’s not completely true. There were several book-to-show plot points if you don’t include the part where Sookie goes to some ethereal fairy world where she sees her dead grandpa–Bill Lumbergh, I shit you not! And then that part where this fairy queen lady comes in and says they’re going to “harvest” the humans.

And I gotta say:

I have zero patience with that shit.

Sookie’s apparently been in fairy land since the last season ended and everyone assumed Bill offed Sookie but nope. She was fine…except for that whole harvesting stuff. Bud’s turned into a V freak. Tara’s left town, changed her name, has taken up with a chick she fights in MMA fights and is lying to her new love and Sam’s little puppy brother is hanging out with Hoyt’s mama which is nine kinds of wrong. Did I mention Bill is the new King of Louisiana?

Which leads me to ask:

How am I supposed to deal with this fuckedupness?!

If you haven’t seen the first episode, skip to the part where they do the whole juxtaposition thing with Eric and Bill. Besides the last two minutes, the Eric/Bill part is the best.

People are far dumber than they realize.

If you’re wondering about those last two minutes I was talking about? Eric bought Sookie’s house and can now come and go as he pleases. Oh. And he might have said something about owning Sookie.

Eric owns Sookie's house.

I was keeping score and though Bill might be the new king, Eric still wins. Just sayin’.

Eric Northman wins.

#3 Anniversary

The 2nd is our anniversary and I realized this when I was talking with Jana about what she’s doing this weekend and she mentioned she’s shooting a wedding. “On the Fourth of July weekend?! Who does that? Talk about inconsiderate!” It was right around that time that it hit me that Tucker and I got married on the 2nd of July. In our defense, we got married in a courthouse so it’s not like we had a big reception or anything.

Wanna know how I remember how many years we’ve been married? I take Sophie the Pit Bull’s age and subtract one since she was a year old when Tucker and I got hitched. At least I’m not using my fingers and toes to count up the years, right?

The kids will be in Arkansas for the weekend which means we will be living it up right on the day we were wed–many, many, many, many, many, many, many years ago–and I can’t imagine we’ll be in bed asleep before AT LEAST 9pm.

Cause that’s how we roll.