Side Boob

Filed Under: Life

Wednesdays are supposed to be “Wordless Wednesdays”.

The whole premise of the day is rather obvious – a wordless day with nothing but pictures.  However, as you may have noticed, I’m not too good at the whole “wordless” thing and by the time I finally get around to posting something on my personal site there are about 300 links on the Wordless Wednesday site.  And since I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the main points of the day is to drive traffic to your blog, I don’t really foresee people wading through 300 links to get to mine.

Basically, the rush to get a link in before the other people just isn’t worth the payoff.  Also, how many of those people would end up being “repeat customers” anyway?  Probably not a lot.

So, I don’t think I’ll be participating in Wordless Wednesday any longer.  I don’t have anything against it; I just don’t seem to be able to stick to the wordless part.

Today Tucker’s folks came down and we all went out to eat and to Target.  By the time dinner was finished, Oliver was wet and hungry and in a general pissy-ass mood.  We went to the “family” bathroom in Target and waited.  And we waited.  Then we waited some more.

Finally, two pre-teen girls came out absolutely fucking oblivious to the fact that I had a screaming three month old in my mei-tai.

Tucker and I rushed in [actually, I rushed] and Tucker changed the canned ham.  Since the idea of feeding Oliver while standing in the bathroom didn’t much appeal to me, I decided to attempt the “nursing while wearing” thing.

Now that’s a great premise.  Nurse your child while being totally hands free.  But, I had attempted it once before with my Baby Hawk and had failed miserably.  Side boob is NOT an attractive thing to see while shopping at Target.  I had long since decided that the women who accomplish this feat must have perfect pornstar boobs or are cyborgs.

I digress.

So I whipped out a boob and positioned Ollie just so.  I had Tucker tie Ollie on so that he wouldn’t fall off and then I put my jacket on to cover up the side boob.  I also fixed my shirt so that all you could see was Ollie’s big melon.  Amazingly enough, it worked!  We walked all around the mall with Oliver in a boob induced coma and I acted like there was nothing to see.

Tucker swears that no one gave me any weird looks and I’ll have to believe him since I was doing my damndest to project the “I am lactating; hear me roar” thing.

Having said ALL OF THAT, I leave you with two “money shots” [Though I think my meaning is a bit different than the original meaning of the phrase].