Show the Good, the Bad and the Ugly and Keep Going

Filed Under: Life

I read a Salon.com article yesterday–I tried to find the link but didn’t locate it. Leave a link in the comments if you read it too.– about Mormon women blogs and how the author stalks the blogs because they make motherhood and marriage and life in general look so easy and carefree. 

-= Bruce Berrien =-

The only blog I remember is Stephanie’s–NieNie Dialogues–since I’ve read hers before. If you haven’t read her blog, you’re missing out.

A couple of hours later, I read a post called, “No More ‘FML’ in 2011.” If you don’t know what it means–and there seemed to be a lot of commentors who didn’t–FML means fuck my life. It’s generally something one types when you get especially frustrated or your day’s being a bear. Or you’re joking/being sarcastic. What struck me was how there were–at the time of me reading the article–two counter comments; all of the other commentors were right on board with this call to unfollow and unfriend anyone who typed, “FML.”

With the first article, I had two thoughts:

  1. All of the blogs are awesome looking; I’d like to bring some of their design elements over here.
  2. They do make life look idyllic.

They didn’t make me feel bad about myself. Maybe they inspired me a bit to aspire to that? It also had something to do with one of the great things about the interwebs being you control what you put on your website/blog and maybe they aren’t showing everyone their messy bathroom. Or maybe nothing is messy. I refuse to consider that option.

That second article pissed me off. Just because I might type FML on Twitter after I’ve described Oliver taking a Sharpie to multiple pieces of furniture or after I comment Cara has knocked her brother over the head with an Elmo toy does NOT mean I’m being negative and that I’m going to, “bring you down.” It means I have a four year old and a two year old and they’re both going through rather annoying stages and I refuse to act like it’s all roses and cotton candy and ribeye steaks cooked medium.

There are people out there who see every situation in a positive light and they see each problem as an opportunity to mold the issue into something wonderful. Granted almost all of those people also smoked a fair amount of marijuana but still! Positive people! I don’t think they’re full of it or they’re making it up. That’s just the way they are.

I also think there are people who want to make the world think they’re the moldy situation people–that made a lot more sense in my head. Now it just sounds like the situation needs to be tossed out cause it’s gone bad.

The biggest injustice we can do as parents–and people in general–is to present nothing but perfect. Nothing but crap isn’t so great either but the crap’s easier to ignore. The nothing but perfect leads to unrealistic expectations. And really? Who isn’t more susceptible to unrealistic expectations and aspirations than a mother who is told how perfect everything is and she can’t attain said perfection?

I’ll keep reading Stephanie’s blog; she’s taken a crapass situation and made the best out of it but she manages to maintain a certain amount of wrinkles and occasional dirt specks that keeps the site from looking like a starched white shirt.

I’ll keep typing and saying, “FML” when the mood strikes me. I highly doubt you’ll see me tweet: “Ollie just bit the fire out of Cara! This is the PERFECT teachable moment! YAY!” Twould most likely resemble this: “Ollie just bit Cara hard enough to make her bleed. Cara just smacked Ollie upside the head. Lots of crying. FML.”

There’s good in parenting and life. There are horrible, sad, angry, violent, disgusting moments in parenting and life. Without one, you can’t recognize the other.

We owe it to ourselves and others to show it all and keep going.