Ugly Crier

Filed Under: Life

Last night my eyes were a bit swollen and I had snot running down to my top lip.  [I’m an ugly crier.]

I was watching the Pausch story on ABC and every time he came on the screen, I started crying again.

I must admit that I had never heard of the man until the story broke that he had died.  Even then, my reaction was one of indifference; people die everyday and I didn’t know him.

As a matter of fact, I was almost annoyed at all of the constant talk about Pausch and his “last lecture” because I just didn’t get what the big deal was.

But, last night, I caught a glimpse of an amazing person.

It was impossible to not connect to the absolute humanity of Pausch and his family’s story and I bawled like a fucking baby.

I think the main reason I had such a gut wrenching reaction to this story is that it feeds into one of my greatest fears: Tucker is going to die and leave me and his kids all alone.

Tucker knows of this fear and my shrink back in Jacksonville knows about it and now so do you.

Watching how much Pausch utterly adored his wife and adored his children and knowing that they were going to be let alone was almost too much for me to handle.

At one point, while I was hiding my ugly crying under a blanket, Tucker came over and wrapped his arms around me and told me that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Thank you, Tucker, for being there for your crazy wife when she needed you the most.

Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture for those of you who haven’t seen it.